Fumbling Towards...

The child

2007-10-06T12:59:00.000-07:00

so today the child says to me, I'm worried that you know how daddy is in the army?

-yes.

and he carries a gun?

-yes.

I'm worried that someone one will try to shoot him.

.......

from the mouth of a seven year old. yeah.

angry email

2007-10-06T12:55:00.000-07:00

I got a snarky email from M, and i most say that i was ..... annoyed. It's hard being angry with your spouse when they're across the world. he hasn't been able to talk to me very much this week-he's been busy which i can understand. BUT it seems clear to me that obviously when i can answer your IM I do, if I don't answer I am probably not here.....

Ugh.

This deployment sucks, i can't even be frustrated with him without feeling bad for being frustrated with him....

boo

2007-08-26T19:45:00.000-07:00

for some reason I thought the time time would fly by-you know there's still life to love. gotta get the kid off to school, go to work...etc. evryday is an eternity-i cannot imagine he's only been gone for three months.

i just never expected it to hurt so bad in random painful bursts....

2007-08-12T19:16:00.001-07:00

This is the understatement of the FREAKING CENTURY!

Extended deployments stressing GIs, families
Problem especially acute as troops return to war zones for fourth, fifth time
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20230892/

Anniversary

2007-08-11T08:27:00.000-07:00

At work yesterday, I got the flowers that Mike sent me. Then I started crying in the office. The flowers are fabulous, the card is beautiful and still makes me tear. Our first anniversary is this weekend and so far I am handling it ok. I do know that I would give a thousand beautiful flowers if I could spend it with M.

THE Call Redux

2007-08-06T08:16:00.000-07:00

Crisis averted.

Good Lord, I love that man.

Army Wives

2007-08-05T20:02:00.000-07:00

I LOVE this show. And I love reading the comments from the other women over on Standing By. It's something I really look forward to, I feel that most people who are not involved in army things sometimes just don't get it. These weekly sessions and just reading others' post is cathartic beyond belief - I swear when the show goes off I will miss my weekly dose.

It does always make me miss M. always. but in a productive way not in a pity party way.

THE Call

2007-08-05T19:41:00.000-07:00

yesterday, I got this phone call at my house. at 11:45PM. for my husband. from a woman. ...

She asked for him by name and wouldn't leave a message. Her name is A, nothing more, nothing less and there's no message. then she hangs up. I will not pretend that I played it cool. My heart stopped, I mean it--literally stopped. then I started obsessing! who is this PERSON and why is she calling my house? I was losing it..

Then I started to regain rational thought-I trust M, I really do or else I couldn't, wouldn't be in this with him. I told him about it and told him I would give him the number. Am I more suspicious, more paranoid because he's not with me right now? maybe but i am trying to be adult about it. maybe it all comes down to me missing him like crazy, more than i could have imagined.

i'm over it (i think...). i'm not going to obsess any more. it was nothing I'm sure. done with my psycho melodrama.

......

but i still want to know how the CRAP is calling my house at FRIGGIN midnight trying to talk to my husband.....

John, I think you're grasping at straws here..

2007-08-04T16:55:00.000-07:00

McCain raps Congress for bridge collapse
Claims diverting money to pet projects hurts infrastructure
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20123417/

Let's not keep taking a tregedy and try to meld it into freaking camp[aiogning ALWAYS. That crap gets on my nerves-there are too many issues to discuss in this election.

i don't like it

2007-08-04T16:16:00.001-07:00

You know it's been two months since M technically left and really I was doing ok. Now, I'm started to flag a little bit. the prospect of 10 more months is freaking RIDICULOUS. I am trying to be positive, i have decided that I will focus on getting us into our house. That's what I want next, I need a goal to focus on--besides waiting for the phone to ring....

P.S.

2007-08-02T20:52:00.000-07:00

She can't even spell hypocrisy right. You want me to take that seriously!!!? Boo.

CRAZY

2007-08-02T20:49:00.000-07:00

I was reading another blog and found this one: http://feministmilitaryspouse.blogspot.com/. I am so annoyed that I can't even handle it. I realize it's juts a random person's blog but REALLY! Aren't we past this kind of thing? As feminists? as women? as people? I certainly hope I am. I, for one, embrace my feminism and my military spouse PROUDLY!

The Beginning

2007-07-11T18:30:00.001-07:00

So my intern, EP, hooked me on this whole thing. This is my first post and my entrance into the blog world. I hope to be able to communicate things, question everything and learn from this. Who knows, as EP say: "these loans ain't going to pay themselves off" so maybe I can click my way to a fortune!